Friday, June 30, 2006

These are not my children nor are they my wonderful grandchildren. A friend of mine e-mailed this to me. I think it is wonderful. The caption at the top of this picture was: When kids go bad at home. I love it.

I can remember when my husband threw out my son. Yes, he was 18 but he was still not ready to leave the comforts of home. He was not in school but was looking for a job. He was living in our basement so it is not like he was in the way of anyone but my X did not get along with J (my son). It started when J was probably 14 or 15 and he got into that rebellious teenage crap that all teenagers get into, including me and especially including my X. I think it all started when J would not do something the very second that the X told him to do it. I really can't remember all the details but I remember J left and did not do the chore exactly like my X wanted him to do it. So instead of sitting J down and talking to him like an adult would do, the X started screaming at him the minute he walked in the door and then gave him the silent treatment for probably a week or so. J lost total respect for the X at that point. When J would ask the X a question, the X would just pretend that J was not even in the room, man that pissed me off. I finally told J that he needed to come to me if he needed anything, We all knew that the X could not be the adult in the situation.

We lived like that for 3 or 4 years, sometimes the X would want to be J's best friend and another day (could even be the next day, or the same day) J would start talking to him about something and the X would just shut down.

One time the X got pissed at something that did not even have anything to do with J and he screamed at him for it, when we tried to explain that J did not have anything to do with it the X just would not listen. He finally just grounded J (this was after he found out that J had plans for the night). I told the X that he was punishing J for doing something he did not even do and that I was going to tell him he was not grounded. I also gave the solution that the X could tell him therefore saving "face" but he told me that he was not speaking to J anymore. I told J to go ahead and leave. About an hour went by and the X called the police to report J as a runaway. When the police came to the house to take a report, the X went outside to meet them, hoping that I would not know they were there, trying to be sneaky...what an ass. I saw the police car outside and went out to find out what was going on. They told me that the X had reported J as a runaway and they would try and pick him up. I spoke up right there and then. J was not a runaway, I was his mother and I knew exactly where he was. The look the X gave me was well, first of all priceless, I had never gone against him (not in public anyway) and also the look of death. I was scared shitless but I also knew that I was not going to have the police pick up my 16 year old son on a lie. It was just the X's way of getting back (at a teenager for heaven's sake).

So.....J turns 18 and I can just see the wheels turning in the X's can he get J out of the house??? I don't know why he does not like J, just that J did not listen to him and that to him was disrespectful, and it was, but when I brought up the fact that he did not always listen to his mother, he said that he wanted J to be raised different then he was, he wanted J to be raised better then he was. Any way...getting off track here. A few weeks after J turns 18 we were all at home, it was a Saturday. Someone was in the downstairs bathroom so J asked if he could use the upstairs bathroom to brush his teeth, I said that was fine. Well, someone came to the door for J and I was hollering upstairs for him to hurry up, someone was at the door for him. He did not turn the water off all the way in the sink upstairs. Now, the X (who was a carpenter/plumber/electrician) knew that the upstairs sink was kinda clogged, Not really bad but it was slow to drain, givin this and the fact that J left the water streaming a little, the water started coming over the sink, the floor started getting sopping wet and eventually (after J had been gone for about 4-5 hours) the water started seeping through the floor, onto the ceiling of the downstairs. We caught it pretty much then but the X had a FIT!! Yes, I know it was going to cost some money to fix it but it was an ACCIDENT, that is why they call it an ACCIDENT!!

He started screaming and I mean screaming at the top of his lungs (so the neighbors and Jesus Christ himself could hear). He went downstairs and started packing all of J's things and throwing them out the backdoor onto the lawn. Screaming the entire time. I had to go out and pick up everything from the lawn and put as much as I could into my car to save it. Finally I turned to him and asked him what he would have done if it would have been me that left the water on by accident or one of the girls. He just turned to me with a wicked wicked look on his face and told me (and I quote)" If it was you, then I would be throwing you the fuck out of this house too".

That night it was up to me when J came home to tell him what had happened, he went to stay with a friend and things quieted down some. But that is another blog. That was the day that I knew I would be leaving, not that day but I would not live with such an evil man. That was also one of the hardest days of my life, I have tears running down my face as I think of how cruel that man was and how much I put up with. Thank God, that I am in a marriage where my husband would do anything for me or my children.

And as for the X, he is in Wisconsin. An alcoholic and has no friends, I feel sorry for him but this he did to himself for being such a bitter bitter man.

And now I leave you with a e-mail that I got from a friend, I wish everyone a healthy happy weekend. Do you all have to work on Monday? Yes, I do.

$20.00 - Sometimes we just need to be reminded!

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this. He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air. Well, he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air. My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you.


Jade Rocks said...

That picture stresses me the heck out! I have the hardest times in movies when people are tearing up rooms and houses and such. Or when they fight and break things. I get really figetty and wonder who is going to clean that up. I couldn't watch movies or shows with scenes like that for the longest time. I guess I must be getting better with my anxiety issues. Now if I could just sleep at night...

Jason said...

With teenagers I think sitting them down and spell it out for them first is the right thing to do. If they still don't listen, then find another way to reach them. I don't have kids and even I'm shaking my head at the way X is acting to J. I can imagine that cop wasn't too thrilled that he tried to report him as a runaway without your knowledge. I know how I would have responded after you told me that and X wouldn't like me afterwards.

perdido said...

went through a similar crappy relationship and just wanted to say how happy I am that you got out.

I did too and it was the best thing I ever did.