Monday, June 26, 2006

Soooooo Mary decided to take the chance. Now if you are just getting her you need to scroll down to read the first Monday blog and then come back up here or you will be just weirded (is that a word?) out.

Mary breaks into the garage, it is the easiest to get into. She sees what appears to be a large rug rolled up inside of the garage. The police still will not help her because they cannot go in unless they know a crime has been committed, otherwise it will not stand up in court. So, Mary goes into the garage and keeping her back to the rug leans down and just picks up a corner of the rug. That is all the police need, they go into the garage and bring Mary out. It is Shelby and she has been dead for a few days. How sad is that people? Going into your sisters garage and finding her dead body....I just can't imagine.

Jim is no where to be found and of coarse a APB is put out on him. Now, first let me back up and tell you that those of us that knew Jim, also knew in our hearts that he did it. But, we were hoping that maybe, just maybe he did not. Maybe it was a drug deal that went wrong, yes, Shelby would still be dead but Jim just could not have done this to the women that he loves. Let me finish this and I will go back to my original story about my X. Jim is finally found a few days later, coming out of a crack house. He gets into Shelby's car and drives away. The police pull him over and arrest him. He confesses. Breaks all of our hearts but especially his son's, what a tragedy. STUPID DRUGS!!!

Now, so here we are, I know that Shelby is dead but Jim had not been found yet and I have to go and pick up my X at the nut hospital. I have to tell him about his brother. I don't know how he is going to take this but who else is going to tell him. I go and pick him up. I am driving and I tell him about it. He just kind of sits there is silence, does not know what to say. He is in shock. Finally he tells me that he had a dream and was going to call Shelby to find out how she was doing but now it is to late.

We get to the house and I drop him off and go to work. I still do not want to be around him but I tell him that I will come back after work and we will talk. When I get back to the house he is very calm. He tells me that he has come to terms with me leaving but he would like me to stay for a while, just as room mates so that I can help him with financials and that as soon as he is set he will help me find an apartment and he will help me move. He says that he knows what an asshole he has been over the last several years and he does not blame me at all. Now, I am taking all of this in but really not buying it one bit. I know that as soon as I let my guard down he will turn right back into the a**hole that he has always been. I told him that was fine. I could do that but we would have rules. The first being that I would be sleeping on the couch. I did not want to sleep with him let alone have sex with him again. When I said that it was over, I really had to look into myself and know that I was doing the right thing. I had to make up my mind that this would be done, that I would never have to go through this pain again.

This worked out fine until I would wake up in the middle of the night and he would be sitting on the floor staring at me, really creepy. I would ask him not to do that, tell him that it was just to weird. He still did it folks, it was so weird. So after a few weeks I told him that I was looking for an apartment. Low and behold the next day he came home from work and told me that he had found an apartment for me. It was a little further from work but it was affordable for the time being, the only thing was that until I found something better our daughter would have to stay with him most of the time because otherwise she would have to change schools and she did not want to do that. I talked to her and she was fine with it as long as I would come and pick her up when she wanted to come over. I had no problem with that.

After I moved out, he was always where I was, it was almost like he was one step ahead of me. When I was at the gas station, he was there. When I was at the grocery store, he was there. When I was at the Laundromat, he was there....Even though he had a washer and dryer at home. He would leave notes on my apt. Door, in my car and he would call me constantly. He came over at least 3 times a week and begged me to come "home". He was even really sickening nice to my son and his fiancee. He was letting them come over to the house and eat with him, watch TV and of coarse my son was soaking it in, he had never had this attention from him, he (my son) knew that it was not going to last but he was going to milk it for all it was worth. The final straw came when the X came over to my apartment got on his hands and knees and begged me to come home. When I told him that it was just not going to happen and he needed to move on he asked me if he could talk to me privately. When I stepped outside with him he told me that something has been on his chest for a long time. He said that one day a few years ago, I wanted to kill you. He said that he went out into the garage and got a hatchet, brought it into the house, into our bedroom and held it over my head. He said that "he could just not do it, he loved me too much". This is when I knew without a doubt, I had to leave. I knew that I had to get far far away. And with that I moved to North Carolina.

Wow, reliving that takes a lot out of a person. I should finish this up with after I moved to NC he would call me all the time. He would ask me that if he moved down here could the two of us date? I always said no. When it finally got into his head that it was in fact over, then the mean, nasty man came out again. Then it was all my fault for everything, I was the bad one. He always gave to me. I was just the bitc* that always wanted everything.

After a while he found a girlfriend (her name was Karen....Go figure). They got along pretty good for a while and then he started hitting her. I think the last time he hit her (or the last time that I know about) he ripped off her clothes and threw her out of her own house naked as a jay bird in the middle of winter. She had to call the police and have him arrested. The judge told him they were to have no contact for a year, guess what, she picked him up from jail and they just moved to another county. Now, she is through with him, as far as I know. My daughter that lives in Wisconsin says that he is an alcoholic, she says that if she needs to find him, he will be at the bar and he will be drunk or at least on his way to being drunk.

On that note, I should tell you that I feel sorry for him. I spent 20 years with him and then it was over. I hoped that he could find someone to love him like I think he deserved to be loved, a love that I could no longer give. I think that he would have to love himself before he could have someone love him and I don't think he even likes himself. I can tell you that I loved him and I still do love him, I just don't like him at all. I think you have to like the person you are with just as much as you have to love them. If you do not like them, it will never work. We had many many good times in 20 years. I am so glad that I can say that (my husband would tell you that he was married 10 years before me and he can not think of a single "good time" that he had with his X, I think that is really really sad).

So that is a story of part of my life. I have been through much much more but this is enough for Monday's blog. Hope everyone has a great day.....Any questions?? I don't know what I will write about tomorrow...oh wait, I am going on a trip. I will tell ya'all about that tomorrow.


Caro said...

It takes courage to leave. Good for you.

That hatchet thing would have scared the crap out of me too.

It's funny how nice abusers can be when they want you back and frightening how quickly their true colors show when you oppose them.

And living that way, the walking on eggshells, it isn't fun.

(Wasn't married to one but was daughter to one. Lucky me.)

Karin's Korner said...

I agree, it takes courage. I walked on eggshells everyday for 20 years, never knowing what was going to set him off. I had to think about what I was going to say before I said it, just in case it did not come out the right way. I am so glad that I am out of there.

Weekends Off said...

I am so glad you found the strength to leave him and move on with your life!

So many stay with men like that and end up in bad places...

I'm sorry to hear about Shelby though...drugs destroy people...

Sparky said...

Wow,I love how you can still find the good in those 20 years. That says loads about you and what kind of person you. Pretty darn great:)

Granny said...

I felt very strange reading this post. Before I got divorced, I would get this creepy feeling and look around to discover my ex staring intently at me. Now it makes me wonder if he did the hatchet-in-the-night thing too! It's a weird, weird feeling to find someone watching you like that. You can see the wheels turning, know what I mean?