Thursday, June 29, 2006

Ok, so tomorrow is my anniversary for quitting smoking, 6 months.

I thought it was suppose to get easier, NOT!! I think right about now I could eat a cigarette. I just want to smoke. I like smoking.

When I quit, I signed up at this website: it is very very cool. They send me updates all the time. I think the last update was like almost 3000 cigarettes not smoked and I had saved like 15 days of my life. (Or maybe it is that I got back 15 days) Now, my husband would say that is great, 15 more days to spend with me. I tend to look at it like....ONLY 15 DAYS??? YOU JUST HAVE TO BE KIDDING!!! I have not smoked for 6 months and I only saved 15 days. How am I going to continue this?

I tell you how, this is the way I look at it. For the first 6 weeks I used the patch (come on now, I smoked for 26 years, I needed something). Then I used sucky candy. Well, I used that when I was on the patch also but more so when I "did not need the patch anymore". Now, 6 months later and lots of pounds heavier (yes, my husband says that he likes me this way, better then smoking - puke puke puke) I don't need the sucky candy anymore either. At least I don't think I do.

So, I cannot start again because I don't think that I can go through that first day, starting with the first cigarette "not smoked". I cried most of the day on January 1 because it was almost like losing a best friend. It sucked so bad.

I will need lots and lots of prayers when I am on vacation, my sister and brother in law smoke and although they know that I quit I am sure if I just helped myself to a cigarette of 2 (or 3 or 4) they would not say anything about it.

I am rambling. I am ending now. I know, this blog kinda sucked!! I want a cigarette!!!

On a better note 2 weeks till Vegas and John Edward


Christa Ballew-Matthews said...

Karin, Thanks for the comment. Regarding your blog, everytime I see someone smoking, especially someone my age (30 something) I think, "Doesn't my suffering scare you? This ain't no piece of cake." Of course, I don't say that to people who are working on quitting, since they have the courage to try. And I don't have lung cancer, though I do have cancer in my lungs from the breast cancer, I doubt it's much different. Sorry for such an uncomfortable comment, but your decision to save yourself very impressive. Please keep it up.

Christa Ballew-Matthews said...

All of the adults in the house are gone. All I have are the adults your 20 year history with the X and warn you that if you don't publish your story yourself, we will see it this fall on Law and Order.

Weekends Off said...

1 day at a time... congrats on the extra 15 days!!!!

My husband is a smoker, I've been begging him to quit for years...but he isn't ready yet, I guess...

Caro said...

Smoking in front of somebody who has quit, is like eating chocolate cake in front of somebody who is on a diet.

It is cruel and unusual punishment.

Jade Rocks said...

You will make it! I've never smoked but my mother did and she quite when I was 12. It was hard for her and what finally got her to quit for good was when I caught her in the bathroom smoking with her head out of the window!