I saw a article about divorce today and started thinking about what was the beginning of the end of my first marriage. Boy oh boy the things that you think about.

It started out a normal day. My X was working 3rd shift at a factory. We were all set to go to my Aunt's house in Iowa. I was so excited about this because I had not been there since my grandmother had died and I wanted to keep in contact with the rest of my relatives down there. It was a 3 day weekend so I am thinking it was Labor Day or Memorial Day weekend. He left for work on Friday night as normal, told me to get things all packed up so that we could leave right away on Saturday when he got home. I packed for the both of us and also for the kids (we had 2 at the time).

Saturday turned out to be a great day weather wise. I sat waiting and waiting for him to come home. It got to be later and later and still he did not come. It was about 9 in the morning and I figured maybe he stopped and got something to eat with the guys before he came home, no big deal...he will be here shortly. Waiting, waiting, waiting...Nothing.

Then I start to panic, something must have happened to him...Maybe he was in a car accident, maybe him and his buddies decided to go to the bar after work (I know it was 7 AM when they clocked out but it was his evening and yes, he did sometimes go to the bar when he got off work). Maybe he was arrested...No he would have called me if that would have happened. This of coarse being before cell phones (It was 1985 I believe).

Now, I should back up a bit and tell you at the time we were living with his mother in a huge house. She was also gone for the weekend so she had no clue either. Finally I had to call my Aunt and tell her that he was missing and I did not know where to find him. This was at about 3 in the afternoon and he still was not home. I told her that I would call her when he got home and let her know what was happening and if we were still coming down to see them. I spent the day crying and worrying about this worthless bastard.

Finally on Monday (yes I also spent Sunday worrying and crying about him) he comes walking in the house just as nicely as you please. Not a care in the world. I ask him where he has been and he says that right now it is not my business. Then I notice his neck, hickeys all over his stinking scrawny neck. I am crushed!!!!! Here I was scared that he was in an accident, dead somewhere and he was off screwing some bimbo bitch and he did not even care that I knew. He did not try and hide it, it was like he was proud of it.

Stupid me, first of all I have zero self esteem and here we are living in his mothers house. I have a part time job and 2 kids and I just know that I cannot leave. I cannot afford to support myself and 2 kids. That's OK he says...he is leaving. I can stay where I am. And he leaves. Packs up some clothes, takes a dresser and leaves.

I want him back....it that not pathetic??? I do everything I can to make him want to come home. Pretty soon he starts playing both sides of the fence. He is with her some of the time and he is with me some of the time. Turns out her....wait even better....her name was Kathy Egan. Turns out that Kathy is married, yes that's right, she is married to but her husband is locked up somewhere. He gets out and my X has to move out because her husband is coming home. So he comes home and plays both sides of the fence. He is with her when her husband is not home and he is with me the rest of the time. Even better, I am ok with this...At least I have him some of the time. (GOD I WAS AN IDIOT)

Eventually he got sick of her, apologized to me and of coarse I took him back, after all he was MY husband....ICK!!

I never found out again if he cheated on me, not in 20 years of marriage. I don't know to this day if he ever did. I will say that if he did, he choose to hide it very very well. One other thing I should tell you, he said that the affair was all my fault. That's right, it was MY fault....wanna know why? He said that I accused him of cheating, therefore he just did what I accused him of doing....what a crock. First I don't ever remember accusing him before this happened and even if I did......I did not tell him to take his dick out of his pants for the first available girl on the market.

So...don't ever let him tell you that it is your fault. That is just him trying to get out of feeling guilty. He even tried to tell me that after I left him...."Remember, it was your fault that I cheated that one time, you accused me of it so I did it". That is when I told him to never bring it up again, I was done and he needed to get on with his life.