Good Morning!! Happy Friday.

I have a couple of e-mails that I want to share with you this morning. I have been sitting at my desk laughing (out loud even) and I thought it would be a good Friday thing to share here.

First one: "Life Savers"

Kids are so smart.
A teacher was doing a study testing the senses (taste) of first graders using a bowl of lifesavers. The children began to say:
Red......................Cherry
Yellow.................Lemon
Green...................Lime
Orange.................Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. After eating them, none of the children could identify the taste. "Well," she said, "I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father." One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, "Oh, my God!! They're ass-holes!

Ok, I laugh even though I have read this tons of times already.

# 2
A woman named Jill stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting,
or as some churches call it, "Cry Sunday," one Sunday morning,
took the microphone and bared her soul to the rapt congregation:
"I want to tell you about the awful accident that my husband,
Jim, has suffered this past month.
He was riding his Goldwing, lost control, ran off the highway and hit a tree.
He was rushed to the hospital, and could have died, but thank the Lord, all he suffered was a broken scrotum.
" The congregation gasped in horror.
The men in the congregation were obviously uneasy and writhed in their seats.
"Jim has been in terrible pain all month since the accident.
He has trouble breathing. He has trouble swallowing his food.
He can hardly lift anything, he's in so much pain, and he has missed work because of it.
He can't lift our children up to hold them and give them the personal love that they need.
Worst of all, we can no longer cuddle and have intimate relations.
He is in constant pain, a pain so terrible that our love life has all but slipped away into oblivion.
I would like to ask you all in the congregation to pray for Jim, and pray for us, that his broken scrotum will soon heal and be as good as new.
A dull murmur erupted within the congregation as the full impact of this terrible accident sank in, and the men in the congregation were visibly shaken up with the thought that,
"There but for the grace of God go I."
Then, as the murmuring settled down, a lone figure stood up in midst of the congregation, worked his way up to the pulpit, obviously in pain, adjusted the microphone to his liking, then leaned over and said to the congregation:.

"My name is Jim, and I have only one word for my wife, Jill. That word is: sternum."

Ok. that was too good too. Have a great weekend all.