The parish priest went on a fishing trip.

On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.

The guide, holding a net, yelled, 'Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!'

Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!'

No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is - a Son of a Bitch fish!'

Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!'

Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster.

Father, that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen'

Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?'

Why, eat it! Of course. You've never tasted anything as good as Son of a Bitch!

Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory.

While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip.

Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!'

Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, 'Father!' '

t's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is, a Son of a Bitch fish!'

Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?

Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for his dinner.

I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch', she said.

As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in.

What are you doing Sister?

Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new Bishop's Dinner

Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!'

No, no, no, it's called d a Son of a Bitch Fish.'

Really? Well, in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it, and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course!

Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch.'

On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect.

The Friar had prepared an excellent meal.

The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent.

The new Bishop said, 'This is great fish, where did you get it?'

I caught that Son of a Bitch!' proclaimed the proud priest.

And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!' exclaimed the Sister.

The Friar added, And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a special recipe!

The new Bishop looked around at each of them.

A big smile crept across his face as he said, 'You fuckers are my kind of people!'

This is a great little story. Hope you enjoy..

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautifulyounger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view.

It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.

She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.

She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.

Iopened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lord... and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test.

We couldn't ask for a betterman for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is:


Always keep your condoms in your car.

MAGNOLIAS...........By Edna Ellison

I spent the week before my daughter's June wedding running last-minute trips to the caterer, florist, tuxedo shop, and the church about forty miles away.

As happy as I was that Patsy was marrying a good Christian young man, I felt laden with responsibilities as I watched my budget dwindle . .So many details, so many bills, and so little time.

My son Jack was away at college, but he said he would be there to walk his younger sister down the aisle, taking the place of his dad who had died a few years before.

He teased Patsy, saying he'd wanted to give her away since she was about three years old!

To save money, I gathered blossoms from several friends who had large magnolia trees. Their luscious, creamy-white blooms and slick green leaves would make beautiful arrangements against the rich dark wood inside the church.

After the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, we banked the podium area and choir loft with magnolias.

As we left just before midnight, I felt tired but satisfied this would be the best wedding any bride had ever had!

The music, the ceremony, the reception - and especially the flowers - would be remembered for years.

The big day arrived - the busiest day of my life - and while her bridesmaids helped Patsy to dress, her fiance Tim walked with me to the sanctuary to do a final check.

When we opened the door and felt a rush of hot air, I almost fainted; and then I saw them - all the beautiful white flowers were black. Funeral black.

An electrical storm during the night had knocked out the air conditioning system, and on that hot summer day, the flowers had wilted and died.

I panicked, knowing I didn't have time to drive back to our hometown, gather more flowers, and return in time for the wedding.

Tim turned to me. 'Edna, can you get more flowers? I'll throw away these dead ones and put fresh flowers in these arrangements.'I mumbled, 'Sure,' as he be-bopped down the hall to put on his cuff links.

Alone in the large sanctuary, I looked up at the dark wooden beams in the arched ceiling. 'Lord,' I prayed, 'please help me. I don't know anyone in this town. Help me find someone willing to give me flowers - in a hurry!'

I scurried out praying for four things: the blessing of white magnolias, courage to find them in an unfamiliar yard, safety from any dog that may bite my leg, and a nice person who would not get out a shotgun when I asked to cut his tree to shreds.

As I left the church, I saw magnolia trees in the distance..

I approached a house...

No dog in sight. I knocked on the door and an older man answered. So far so good. No shotgun.

When I stated my plea the man beamed, 'I'd be happy to!'

He climbed a stepladder and cut large boughs and handed them down to me.

Minutes later, as I lifted the last armload into my car trunk, I said, 'Sir, you've made the mother of a bride happy today.

''No, Ma'am,' he said. 'You don't understand what's happening here.

''What?' I asked.'You see, my wife of sixty-seven years died on Monday.

On Tuesday I received friends at the funeral home, and on Wednesday. He paused. I saw tears welling up in his eyes. 'On Wednesday I buried her.' He looked away. 'On Thursday most of my out-of-town relatives went back home, and on Friday - yesterday - my children left.'

I nodded.'This morning,' he continued, 'I was sitting in my den crying out loud. I miss her so much.

For the last sixteen years, as her health got worse, she needed me. But now nobody needs me. This morning I cried, 'Who needs an eighty-six-year-old wore-out man? Nobody!' I began to cry louder.

'Nobody needs me!' About that time, you knocked, and said, 'Sir, I need you.'I stood with my mouth open.He asked,

'Are you an angel? The way the light shone around your head into my dark living room....'I assured him I was no angel.

He smiled. 'Do you know what I was thinking when I handed you those magnolias?''No.''I decided I'm needed.

My flowers are needed. Why, I might have a flower ministry! I could give them to everyone!

Some caskets at the funeral home have no flowers. People need flowers at times like that and I have lots of them.

They're all over the backyard! I can give them to hospitals, churches - all sorts of places.

You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to serve the Lord until the day He calls me home!'

I drove back to the church, filled with wonder.

On Patsy's wedding day, if anyone had asked me to encourage someone who was hurting, I would have said, 'Forget it! It's my only daughter's wedding, for goodness' sake! There is no way I can minister to anyone today.'

But God found a way. Through dead flowers.'Life is not the way it's supposed to be.

It's the way it is.

The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.'

If you have missed knowing me, you have missed nothing.

If you have missed some of my emails, you may have missed a laugh.

But, if you have missed knowing my LORD and SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST, you have missed everything in the world.

May God's blessings be upon you.

THIS IS SO TRUE, BEING NEEDED IS SO UPLIFTING TO EACH OF US... This story is too beautiful not to send...

Off to Vegas!!!

I guess it is time to take another trip. My mom sent me an e-mail last week wanting to know my direct line phone number at work. Said she was going to make my flight reservations. I emailed her back asking her .....What flight reservations?? She replied "the ones to Vegas next weekend", So after many emails and phone calls she got me to say yes.

So ~ Friday I will leave work early, fly into Burbank. Saturday we (my mom, myself and my 2 sisters) will have a spa day and on Sunday we will get up bright and early and leave for Vegas, where we will stay here...

The is the Mandalay Bay hotel. We will stay here for 3 days, go back to Burbank and I will fly home Wednesday of next week.

Isn't my mom the best......I mean really....she is fantastic!!

To all the flawed women I know....

The One Flaw In Women By the time the Lord made woman,

He was into his sixth day of working overtime

An angel appeared and said,

'Why are you spending so much time on this one?

And the Lord answered, 'Have you seen my spec sheet on her?

She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,

have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable

and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,

have a lap that can hold four children at one time,

have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart

-and she will do everything with only two hands.'
The angel was astounded at the requirements.

'Only two hands!? No way!

And that's just on the standard model?

That's too much work for one day.

Wait until tomorrow to finish.
'But I won't, ' the Lord protested.

'I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart.

She already heals herself when she is sick

AND can work 18 hour days.'
The angel moved closer and touched the woman.

'But you have made her so soft, Lord.'
'She is soft,' the Lord agreed,

'but I have also made her tough.

You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish.'
'Will she be able to think?', asked the angel.
The Lord replied,

'Not only will she be able to think, s

he will be able to reason and negotiate.'
The angel then noticed something,

and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek.

'Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.

I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one.'
'That's not a leak,'

the Lord corrected,

'that's a tear!' '

What's the tear for?' the angel asked.
The Lord said, 'The tear is her way of expressing her joy,

her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,

her loneliness, her grief and her pride.'

The angel was impressed.

'You are a genius, Lord.

You thought of everything!

Woman is truly amazing.'
And she is!

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness,

love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take 'no' for an answer

when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel

and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss c

an heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideals.

They give moral support to their family and friends.

Women have vital things to say and everything to give
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE TINY FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET WHAT THEY ARE WORTH

Amen! Don't forget what you are worth ladies!!

Ok, I still can't figure it out, My husband made such a beautiful presentation on power point but I can't figure out how to put it on here. My daughter (the favorite one, just because she will be reading this) will try and with all of her computer, geeky knowledge will get it here.

In the mean time, I will be patting myself on the back for a short time. Today is my anniversary of quitting smoking (3 years). Here are the stats:



Time Smoke-Free: 1095 days, 17 hours, 27 minutes and 20 seconds
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 13149
Lifetime Saved: 3 months, 10 days, 10 hours
Money Saved: $2,301.60


Don't know where that money is, but that is ok!

Ok, I still can't figure out how to put a powerpoint presentation here. If ya all have any idea's please let me know....

Cute kid story coming up..

Yesterday we took our grandson Alex to church and then to lunch afterwards. We met another couple from church at the restaurant and also another family (with 3 kids).

In the middle of lunch Alex told us he had to go potty (he is in the process of training). I asked David (my husband) to take him potty cause David is on the outside of the table. They get up and leave....no big deal....right????

They come back and Alex crawls up on the chair next to me and announces to everyone that...

Papa did not have to hold his penis (meaning when papa went to the bathroom, he did not have to hold his own penis like Alex had to hold his).

Hysterical!!

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

I just have to tell you all about my Christmas present from my wonderful husband and my children but it will have to wait until tomorrow so I can attach the video.

I am hoping you all have a very merry CHRISTmas.

I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"

My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her world-famous cinnamon buns. I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so.

It had to be true.Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus!" she snorted. "Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad. Now, put on your coat, and let's go.""Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second world-famous, cinnamon bun. "Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.

I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten- dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for.

I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, the people who went to my church. I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs Pollock's grade-two class.

Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out for recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough, and he didn't have a coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat!

I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that. "Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down.

"Yes," I replied shyly. "It's .... for Bobby." The nice lady smiled at me.

I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag and wished me a Merry Christmas.

That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat in Christmas paper and ribbons (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible) and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it -- Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially one of Santa's helpers.

Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."

I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his doorbell and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma. Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.

Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes. That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were: ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team.

I still have the Bible, with the tag tucked inside: $19.95.

He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree.

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!!

I love this one!!

Saying Grace In A Restaurant

Last week, I took my children to a restaurant.

My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace.

As we bowed our heads he said, 'God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food , and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice for all!

Amen!'

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark, 'That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!'

Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, 'Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?'

As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.

He winked at my son and said, 'I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer.' '

Really?' my son asked. 'Cross my heart,' the man replied. Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), 'Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes.'

Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal. My son stared at his for a moment, and then did something I will remember the rest of my life.

He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her,

'Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes; and my soul is good already.'

RED MARBLES

I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes.

I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily apprising a basket of freshly picked green peas.

I paid for my potatoes, but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas.

I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes.

Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.

'Hello, Barry, how are you today?'

'H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. They sure look good.'

'They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?' 'Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time.

'Good. Anything I can help you with?'

'No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas.

'Would you like to take some home?' asked Mr. Miller.

'No, sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with.

'Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?'

'All I got's my prize marble here.'

Is that right? Let me see it,' said Miller.

'Here 'tis. She's a dandy.

'I can see that. Hmm mmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red.

Do you have a red one like this at home? the store owner asked.

Not 'zackley, but almost.

'Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble, Mr. Miller told the boy.

Sure will. Thanks, Mr. Miller.

Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to> help me. With a smile, she said, 'There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances.

Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes or whatever.

When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store.

I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man.

A short time later I moved to Colorado , but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys and their bartering for marbles.

Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community, and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died.

They were having his visitation that evening, and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them.

Upon arrival at the mortuary, we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.

A head of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts.all very professional looking.

They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket.

Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.

Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about her husband's bartering for marbles.

With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket. 'Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about.

They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim 'traded' them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or size, they came to pay their debt.

We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world,' she confided, but right now Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho.

With loving gentleness, she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband.

Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.

The Moral: We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.

Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ~ A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself. . An unexpected phone call from an old friend. . Green stoplights on your way to work. . . The fastest line at the grocery store. . A good sing-along song on the radio. . Your keys found right where you left them.

IT'S NOT WHAT YOU GATHER, BUT WHAT YOU SCATTER THAT TELLS WHAT KIND OF LIFE YOU HAVE LIVED!

I received this in my inbox this morning and thought I would share and....

Pass it on

Too Busy for a Friend...

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.
Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. 'Really?' she heard whispered. 'I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!' and, 'I didn't know others liked me so much,' were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in
VietNam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student.
She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.
The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took
a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.

As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. 'Were you Mark's math teacher?' he asked. She nodded: 'yes.' Then he said: 'Mark talked about you a lot.'

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.

'We want to show you something,' his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket 'They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.'

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.

'Thank you so much for doing that,' Mark's mother said. 'As you can see, Mark treasured it.'

All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, 'I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home.'

Chuck's wife said,'Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album.'

'I have mine too,' Marilyn said. 'It's in my diary'

Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. 'I carry this with me at all times,' Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: 'I think we all saved our lists'

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.

So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.

And One Way To Accomplish This Is: Pass this message on.

If you've received this, it is because someone cares for you and it means there is probably at least someone for whom you care.

Remember, you reap what you sow. What you put into the lives of others comes back into your own.

Here is a new way to look at a deck of cards!!

Deck of Cards

It was quiet that day, the guns and the mortars, and land mines for some reason hadn't been heard. The young soldier knew it was Sunday, the holiest day of the week. As he was sitting there, he got out an old deck of cards and laid them out across his bunk.

Just then an army sergeant came in and said, 'Why aren't you with the rest of the platoon?' The soldier replied, 'I thought I would stay behind and spend some time with the Lord.'

The sergeant said, 'Looks to me like you're going to play cards.'

The soldier said, 'No, sir. You see, since we are not allowed to have Bibles or other spiritual books in this country, I've decided to talk to the Lord by studying this deck of cards.' The sergeant asked in disbelief, 'How will you do that?

You see the Ace, Sergeant? It reminds me that there is only one God.

The Two represents the two parts of the Bible, Old and New Testaments

The Three represents the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.

The Four stands for the Four Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John .

The Five is for the five virgins there were ten but only five of them were glorified.

The Six is for the six days it took God to create the Hea vens and Earth.

The Seven is for the day God rested after making His Creation.

The Eight is for the family of Noah and his wife, their three sons and their wives -- the eight people God spared from the flood that destroyed the Earth.

The Nine is for the lepers that Jesus cleansed of leprosy He cleansed ten, but nine never thanked Him.

The Ten represents the Ten Commandments that God handed down to Moses on tablets made of stone.

The Jack is a reminder of Satan, one of God's first angels, but he got kicked out of heaven for his sly and wicked ways and is now the joker of eternal hell.

The Queen stands for the Virgin Mary.

The King stands for Jesus, for he is the King of all kings.

When I count the dots on all the cards, I come up with 365 total, one for every day of the year.

There are a total of 52 cards in a deck; each is a week - 52 weeks in a year.

The four suits represent the four seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter.

Each suit has thirteen cards -- there are exactly thirteen weeks in a quarter.

So when I want to talk to God and thank Him, I just pull out this old deck of cards and they remind me of all that I have to be thankful for.

The sergeant just stood there. After a minute, with tears in his eyes and pain in his heart, he said, 'Soldier, can I borrow that deck of cards?

Please let this be a reminder and take time to pray for all of our soldiers who are being sent away, putting their lives on the line fighting Prayer for the Military.

Please keep the wheel rolling. It will only take a few seconds of your time, but it'll be worth it to read on....

Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them. Bless them and their families. I ask this in the name of Jesus, our Lord and Savior. Amen. When you read this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our servicemen and women all around the world.

There is nothing attached, but this can be very powerful. Of all the gifts you could give a Soldier, prayer is the very best one.

In God I Trust!

Ok, I have 2 for you today...... Hope everyone has a great weekend :)

6 Truths of Life

1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.



2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.



3. And discover that The first truth is a lie.



4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.



5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.



6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.



I apologize about this
I'm an idiot and I needed company ... LOL



~

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me.

I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ....." he said with a deep sigh...

(scroll down)





"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

Learn 44 things about your friends and let them learn 44 things about you!

1. Do you like blue cheese? Yuck NO!!

2. Have you ever smoked? Yes but I am 1025 days smoke free…that is 12307 cigarettes NOT smoked.

3. Do you own a gun? Nope and I don’t want one either

4. What flavor Kool-Aid was your favorite? I don’t like Kool-Aid, never did, I know…it is almost un-American

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Sometimes

6. What do you think of hot dogs? Hebrew Nationals…yes, love them but I would like to find some that have the casing, I like those better…can’t find any.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? It’s a wonderful life.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Water or coffee (iced coffee is good too).

9. Can you do push ups? In my head I can.

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My wedding ring and the opal necklace my mom gave me for my birthday.

11. Favorite hobby? Who has time for hobbies?

12. Do you have A.D.D.? I don’t think so

13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? I am very judgmental….trying to work on that.

14. Middle name? Joanne

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. Money, grandkids, mom

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Water, un-sweet tea, coffee

17. Current worry? Money…always money

18. Current hate right now? I don’t think I hate anyone oh wait…I hate slow drivers in the fast lane!

19. Favorite place to be? California

20. How did you bring in the New Year? LOL, I think I was sleeping

21. Where would you like to go? Minnesota

22. Name three people who will complete this? I hope everyone does, except for Tammy cause I already have hers…love you Tam!

23. Do you own slippers? Yes but I never wear them

24. What color shirt are you wearing right now? Light Pink

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Oh no, I would slip out of the bed

26. Can you whistle? Yes

27. Favorite color? Green

28. Would you be a pirate? Arrr

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Shine shine shine….for all the world to see

30. Favorite Girl's Name? Brooklyn

31. Favorite boy's name? Carter or Jayden

32. What's in your pocket right now? keys

33. Last thing that made you laugh? Really?? Our maintenance dude when he was empting my trash can

34. What vehicle do you drive? Lumina or Sonata

35. Worst injury you've ever had? injury?? Gall Bladder…I don’t know if that counts but it hurt more than having babies

36. Do you love where you live? Yes, I really do love it

37. How many TV's do you have in your house? 3

38. Who is your loudest friend? Actually it is my grandchildren…Jasmine (6) and Kody (5)…they were so loud at Wal-Mart last weekend I wanted to find the duct tape isle.

39. How many dogs do you have? None but I have 2 birds

40. Does someone have a crush on you? Hmmm…I think everyone does

41. What is your favorite book? Don’t know (I think A Tree Grows in Brooklyn)

42. What is your favorite candy? Anything chocolate

43. Favorite Sports Team? Minnesota Vikings…is there any other?

44. What song do you want played at your funeral? Good question…I liked Imagine, that is Tammy’s but I might steal it. There are so many…I might make a CD just for that purpose someday.

I am not going to Tag anyone but if you want to do it, please do. I would love to hear your answers.

I was just sitting here at work thinking....yes, I do that once in a while.

27 years ago this month, I got married the first time.

Wow! 27 years was a long time ago. And then I left him 7 years ago.

I have not spoken to him in probably 5 years.

He does not call his children (he is angry at them because they all moved to NC to be near me).

He does not know how to be the adult in the situation.

And yet, In some weird way...I miss talking to him.

Kinda weird.

I am in love with my husband and will spend the rest of my life with him.

Do you think it is weird that I thought about this today and that I miss talking to my X.

I can honestly say that we had many, many good times together.

It's just that the bad....was really, really bad.

I don't know, kind of a weird post....but just what was in my head.

Please check this out.....

http://boobsinjuriesanddrpepper.blogspot.com/

Help if you can.

This is my friend Crystal's blog. She is such a good person and tries to help everyone that needs it. This one is very close to her heart. If you can or if you know someone who can help please point them in the right direction.


Love you all!!

The Power of prayer is very powerful, please keep that in mind and pray for this little baby.

A wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the Halloween party alone.

He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided go to the party.

As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice 'chick' he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.

She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and made passionate love in the back seat.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. 'Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.'

Then she asked, 'Did you dance much? He replied, I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance.

When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spareroom and played poker all evening.

You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!' she said with unashamed sarcasm.

To which the husband replied...

Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently he had the time of his life.

This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.

I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???


Through the eyes of a child:
The Children's Bible in a Nutshell


In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.


Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
Then God made the world.


He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.


Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad
apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.


Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.


Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.


One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.


After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.


Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.


God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.


Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.


One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.


After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.


After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn.


(I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.


Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.


Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.


But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.


Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.
He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

I have a MAJOR prayer request.

I have some friends in Wisconsin that I have not spoken with for a while. Something told me to call them yesterday.

I found out that my friend's (Vicki) husband (Joe) has had cancer that they cleared a couple of years back ( I already knew that part) but it seems that the cancer has come back (this is the part that I did not know) and they have given him 6 month to a year to live. Every time I think of this the tears come. I have not been back to Wisconsin since I left 7 years ago and I miss them so much, even more now.

They have 2 grown children and 7 grandchildren.

I also found out the their oldest daughter has filed for divorce from her husband. A couple of months back she found out that her husband has been molesting their 9 year old daughter. The son-of-a-bitch is scheduled for court the latter part of this month. Lets hope they hang the bastard!

They also have 3 boys and they think that he has done some things to the boys also but the boys are not talking. Their daughter finally told her mom but asked that she not say anything because the dad told her that he would kill her if she told and of coarse being a little girl, she believed him. BASTARD!!

And on another note, my dear friend from Minnesota has lost her mother in law. She passed away yesterday morning so please be in prayer for her also.

I know with all of my heart that the power of prayer works. I just want him to spend a little more time with his family. He is the bread winner, he is their rock and I just don't know what they will do without him.

Thanks for listening, and reading. It was a very sad day.