Wednesday, November 21, 2007

A Thanksgiving Wish

A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.

He stopped and asked the boy, 'Where did you get that turkey?'

The boy replied, 'What turkey?'

The game warden said, 'That turkey you're carrying under your arm.'

The boy looks down and said, 'Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!'

The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey season is closed,

So whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.

If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg.

If you break his wing, I'll break your arm.

Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you.

So, what are you gonna do with him?' The little boy said,

'I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!'

May your stuffing be tasty

May your turkey plump,

May your potatoes and gravy have never a lump.

May your yams be delicious

And your pies take the prize,

And may your Thanksgiving dinner

Stay off of your thighs!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

The Stella Awards

Thats right folks, it is time again for the Stella Awards:

For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico where she purchased the coffee.

You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.Here are the Stella's for the past year:

7TH PLACE:Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

6TH PLACE:Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.Go ahead, grab your head scratcher.

5TH PLACE:Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage t o the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT, days on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish.Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish.Keep scratching. There are more...

4TH PLACE:Jerry Williams, of Little Rock , Arkansas , garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.Grrr rr ... Scratch, scratch.

3RD PLACE:Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?Scratch, scratch, scratch. Hang in there; there are only two more Stella's to go...

2ND PLACE:Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah,plus dental expenses. Go figure.

1ST PLACE: (May I have a fanfare played on 50 kazoos please)This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

Are we, as a society, getting more stupid...?

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Happy Birthday to my daughter....

Today you are 20, and yes it does make me feel old. This is my youngest child. The one that is most like me even if neither one of us wants to admit it.

She is far Texas, and I miss both of them terribly. But, I soooo want her to be happy. I don't want her to have another broken heart.

She is very opinionated

She is very smart

She is very funny

She is very cute....takes after her mother once again

She falls in love so easily and because SOME men are jerks, falls very hard

She is my friend and I miss her.

Darling, I hope that you had a wonderful birthday. I wish I could have been there with you on this day.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Ok, cute kid story ahead....

A few nights ago Kody was having dinner at our house. He is 4 now and goes to head start so he does not get to come over and spend the night very often.

We are having dinner. Baked Chicken, califlower with cheese sauce and brown rice. He loves it. He eats all the califlower first and looks at me with those big blue eyes and says.....Grandma....can I please have more is soooo good!!!!

Gosh, I love that kid!!!
The picture is of Kody and his mom, my daughter.